The One About Focus

Focus

As a human with such impulsive behaviors, I am forced to restrain myself from any form of indulging into temporary happiness. Although I get easily distracted, once I have set my mind on something I think of all things possible to get it.
An attitude of “I-get-what-I-want” doesn’t really fit me. As I mentioned, I easily get sidetracked so it’s no surprise at all if I happen to forget today about what I was really into yesterday. Troublesome you think?
That’s why I make sure I keep a note of whatever it is I want to get or want done so I won’t forget. Boy, being in my age is kind of hard. I mean, I’m too young (prolly) to be a bit forgetful.
So does this affect my passion? Passion for what you ask.
Art. Life. Love. And all the other details that come with them.
I do believe I’m a very selfish person. Even though I do good deeds every now and then, or people perceive me as someone who’s too naive to know anything, I am in fact the opposite. For the little things, I do not mind whether it’s a battle of morals. For those life-altering situations, I carefully dig into my 6-feet deep mind and unearth any sensible answer.
Sometimes, I get in too deep and I sort of lose myself. Lose, in a way where I seem to be arguing with myself already. You’d know if in one if you see me looking so dazed, staring at nothing (perhaps, all the time).
I know though, that there’s someone out there who’s just like me. Maybe you. Not a serious matter really. Pretty much all about finding sense out of something that doesn’t seem to have any.

Maybe I’ve been watching too many movies. I need to get out more. Read a good book (No teeny-bopper vampy novels here). Have a long vacation out of the city limits. Go climbing. Anything that can take my mind from the busy life.

I know that in my age, I may be too young to think about getting my own place. But I believe it’s a good way to get my life moving. I don’t want to be stuck in one place, I don’t want to be forced to feel obligated to owe anyone anything. I need to go to greater places. I need to move out. I need to get a driver’s license. And of course, I need to buy a car.

How I hate money and the trouble that comes with it.

Time to get some shuteye.

The One About Being PreOccupied

So much for creating a continuation for the stories I had posted here.
How about we talk about updates. Now that’s something I won’t have to worry about editing some infos.

Well, as you may have noticed, it’s been over 2 months or so that I’ve posted an entry.
I’ve been busy this past few days. I’m currently undergoing some training (work stuff), which will most likely be done by the first week of December.
Second, I’ve enrolled myself for CCNA (Cisco Certified Networking Associate) Training. Being a graduate of BSIT kind of helps, but I don’t think I’m really cut out for the technical or hardware stuff. I’m more into graphics designing.
Third, we have an upcoming event. An event which will take place at CAP Auditorium on December 16. As expected, I’m one of the participants/performers. If it’s not that obvious yet, yes dancing is my passion ever since I was a toddler.
Fourth, I have been living my life.
Fifth, I’m trying to make sense out of it all.

The CCNA training will last til March of next year, I’m still thinking about dropping out. Understanding what our trainer’s been teaching us is not that big of a deal. I’m not some mediocre student who will merely study it thru the internet, read thru the books just to pass. I GET the topic. I honestly don’t think I would need to learn all of this things when I move on to another job in the future. Although, with my current job, it does help. The schedule you ask? Well, two days/sessions a week and ten hours per session. Sometimes, it would take it’s toll and I’d have mermory overload. I didn’t come in today nor will I be attending tomorrow (I’ll explain later.)

As for this skill upgrade training (for work), it’s messy. The schedule is fine, but the schedule of those who’s supposed to handle us is messy. Add to the aggravating part, I can’t nor do any of my batchmates understand this certain trainer. Sure he’s really technical (maybe), but he just doesn’t have the gift to impart knowledge. He did mention that the training we’re going through, we can pretty much study it over the internet. But then what’s the point of going through some dagnabbit training if he can’t teach us anything?! I’m really peeved. It’s a drag to be part of the batch who’s been deprived of technical equipment to practice on. It’s not that I’m complaining. No, rephrase that, I AM complaining. I can’t learn anything within 10 hours of training at this point. I guess my only hope is from someone who’s passed this training to teach me about it. I might learn more. One of the things I’m beginning to hate more throughout this training is this particular person who doesn’t seem to know where to fit in. He is such a drag that if there were people in the room and he suddenly comes in, people would stop talking and walk out. He doesn’t know what a joke means and pretty much thinks he’s all-knowing. During one of our lab exercises, he had gotten pissed off and started to raise his voice. He’s insinuating that he has little patience. Well, FUCK your patience. You will never survive in this type of industry with that kind of attitude. Add to that unfortunate fact that your appalling attitude and personality matches your physical appearance. Double negative. I hope God finds you and lights your way to achieve humility. *no sarcasm here*

For our dance practice, we only get 2 hours a day, five days a week. So far, it’s been good. Well, it’s better than last year’s choreography. And what about our skill upgrade training? Our trainer would give us an hour to have dinner around 6pm, same time our dance practice starts. So I’m basically skipping dinner for it. *insert echo here that says Passion*

Our Christmas Party’s theme for this year is The Academy Awards.
No, I will not wear a dress nor a gown. And yes, I will be wearing a suit. Not some typical suit though. I’m hoping the tailor would get what I wanted the suit to look like. We have movies to present as well. Movies made by the different teams from the office. I get to be an extra in our entry. We’ll start shooting tomorrow and they said we have to get up and meet early. I’m guessing it’ll take all day so I won’t be able to make it to our CCNA training again tomorrow.

Another special occasion will be on November 30. This day will mark our first anniversary as a couple. Suprisingly, the longest relationship I have had other than what I have with my TV. We’re planning to celebrate it on the 29th at a hotel or something. Honestly, my mind is in a stretch right now that I’m not really thinking about it too much. *This is what I get for getting involved in a lot of things* Hopefully, I would have enough time for it.

Amidst the chaos, I’m finding it hard to find my muse. No inspiration or whatsoever to bring life into my words. I’m finding it hard sometimes, when my heart starts to linger somewhere else. Got to focus.

I don’t even have enough time to question about life. Oh what to do?

Til next update

The One About Anger

Don’t get me started with explaining my animosity and hatred in detail.
I understand that “Hate” is a very powerful word. One must use it to refer to something beyond dislike. As for my situation where I have to deal with lazy ass sibling that honestly I am not even proud to have.
I am angry at the thought that he even has the right to say that he’s been holding it all in. What does he have to fuckin hold in? His breath? How I wish he’d run out of it and just drop dead.
Death is a grave thing to say about someone. But that someone, for me, deserves it. For all the things he has caused, he doesn’t have any right to complain nor order people around. For he has no worth in this world that people should listen to him.
How I hope and pray he leave this house that he’s not even helping when it comes to paying the bills.
I am very pissed off. I’m paying for most of the things he’s using here at home and he thinks he can just use stuff without my consent?! He knows damn well I don’t like it when he uses my stuff. He’s taken people and things for granted for so long now, I wish God would just take him away somewhere far where he can just shrivel up and die.

Die you good-for-nothing jackass! Die!